Minecraft Steve Has His Goatee Back, All Is Right In The World

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Minecraft‘s iconic protagonist Steve now has his goatee back, thanks to a new update implemented in the long-running sandbox title.

As spotted by Eurogamer over on Reddit, Mojang has changed the textures of the default Steve and Alex skins for the first time in 13 years for Steve and 8 years for Alex.

While the texture update includes 3D elements to make the blocky characters pop, the most apparent change is the return of Steve’s goatee. Steve’s facial hair was removed in 2009 to make the Minecraft protagonist look more gender neutral, as Alex wasn’t introduced to the series until 2014. This was, of course, the worst news of 2009, probably.

It’s important to note that Steve in Super Smash Bros Ultimate, despite being widely hated by the Smash community, has had a goatee the whole time. It is simply just in the actual game of Minecraft that the goatee has not been present. How could they hate him when he has a goatee?

Anyway, the images showcasing the changes can be seen below, courtesy of Kidfury000 on Reddit.

Minecraft Steve Has His Goatee Back, All Is Right In The World
Image: Mojang / Reddit
Minecraft Steve Has His Goatee Back, All Is Right In The World
Image: Mojang / Reddit

As you can see, the models are ever so slightly different. If you’re the type of person that can’t grow facial hair or it takes you a while to do so, don’t worry. It took 13 years for Steve to grow a goatee after shaving it off. Wait, why are you walking away? Come back, I’m sorry!

The change doesn’t seem to have been noted in any of Minecraft’s release changelogs, but avid fans of Minecraft wouldn’t be able to ignore something as huge as this. The countless amounts of promotional material for Minecraft show Steve with a goatee, so for someone to open the game and see him clean-shaven is not only false advertising but possibly offensive in some way. Maybe even illegal.

Now that Steve from Minecraft has a goatee again, I feel like my life has a purpose. Before, I was a husk. My life was pointless, my future was not bright. I was down and out, living a life that was not worth living. I’d see a man on television with a goatee, and I would cry.

I would see somebody at Red Rooster with a goatee, and I would grab them by the scruff and scream at them, “What do you have that Minecraft Steve does not?”. Now I’m not allowed within 500 feet of a Red Rooster for the next 20 years of my life. What did I have left? No goatee on Minecraft Steve and no Red Rooster for me to eat? What was the point?

Thankfully, now Minecraft Steve has his goatee back. It’s a joyous day. I will still be tased on sight if I step within 500 feet of any Red Rooster in the country, but at least I have the goatee of Minecraft Steve to fall back on when I pass out from electrocution. It will hopefully cushion my fall.

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